Finding Balance

"The LORD will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the EL of my life."—Psalms 42:8

Michael Hyatt wrote, "Most people believe that somehow, if they can just find the right system, they can get everything done. I think this is a myth bordering on an outright lie. You can't do it all. Time is a limited resource. This is just something you have to understand and accept. You only need to get the right things done and leave the rest with God. You're only human and you can only do so much."

Balance equals how many plates I can spin on emaciated financial and emotional poles. I work 2-3 jobs and struggle, never getting everything done at home. I eliminate and concentrate. I set my alarm for 3 a.m. so I can study my Bible, but even then, open eyes and Bible equal "kid magnet." I never feel like there is time for me.

Too many responsibilities, demands and unexpected surprises blur time and priorities.

Now that my launched sons are productive adults and I'm an empty nester, I feel guilt looking back and thinking, "I wish I'd prioritized better…done more…spent more time with my precious sons." Today I enjoy "me" time —pursing the passions God embedded in my heart's spiritual DNA.

I can't survive without El Chay, the God of My Life.

El Chay, I long for you in my life. When my tears stream day and night and haunting fears taunt, "Where is your God?" I can tell you everything I feel and think without fear of rejection. Thank you for listening and replacing my despair with hope in you, my helper, the God of my life.

Pruning Dead Wood from My Life

"Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. John 15:2; Galatians 5:22. (NASB)

Pruning Dead Wood

from My Life

A peach tree stands guard in front of my house. The person who planted it set it too close to my home's foundation. My sons and squirrels scramble up its limbs to access the roof.

The coming of spring does not produce beautiful blossoms. During summer, my peach tree remains barren. It litters my lawn with leaves in the fall. Winter storms bang its limbs against my house. Other than shade, this tree is a nuisance.

My neighbor, a master gardener, suggested severely pruning the tree to force the sap into more vigorous limbs to produce fruit.

Still no fruit.

Life without love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control reminds me of my peach tree, without fruit and useless.

The sharp pruning shears of single parenting regularly hack away at my negative character traits. Far too often than I'd like to admit, the stresses of dual parenting force out the worst in me. To bear good fruit in my soul, I've learned to trim away the dead wood—toxic relationships and attitudes that drain my faith.

I don't want to be dead wood in the lives of others. I want to be someone who encourages others to blossom and produce fruit in a manner worthy of the Lord.

Lord, I want the fruit of my life, my actions and my attitudes, to be a visible expression of your inward working in me.

"The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.—Proverbs 16:9 (NASB)

Expect Delays

The lighted yellow dots on the computerized signal spelled, "EXPECT DELAYS."

With directions in hand and my foot on the accelerator, I looked forward to meeting Gloria in Castle Rock for a little girlfriend time. As I zipped past the foreshadowing flashes of the signal, my radio blasted, "Be Still and Know that I Am God."

Suddenly, every lane on the freeway stopped—dead.

My tires sat stock-still on the fiery pavement. My soul was not still—it was hot and irritated. What? It's Saturday. Why is the freeway backed up?

I love the feel of a 75-mile-per-hour trajectal towards my destination.

Traffic crept and I called my friend to let her know we might miss the start time of our movie. "Not to worry," she said. "We'll regroup when you get here."

I relaxed.

Traffic again accelerated to full speed ahead. I'd already totaled one car on this never-ending road construction, car crash corridor; so I nervously negotiated my car in my lane between a cement barrier and semi-trucks driving far too close to my door handle for comfort.

Traffic stopped again. Again? Arggg! I spotted a dirt escape route to a road paralleling the interstate. I broke away from the pack and guided my car onto the muddy, dirt trail, pulling onto the old highway. Feeling victorious, I sped alongside the cars stopped on their tire treads. I passed the traffic stopper—an accident—said a prayer for the injured parties and cruised onto an on-ramp, depositing my car back on a near empty expressway.

One accident, two "Two Men in a Truck®" trucks lounging on the shoulder, a million rubberneckers, and several slow-down-fines-doubled road construction sites stretched the thirty-minute drive into an hour+.

This drive reminded me of my journey with God. I enjoy setting my cruise control, sitting back, cranking up the praise and worship music, and whizzing along at full speed with no distractions.

But far too often stress and obstacles punctuate my start, stop, go, slow down, speed-up life. Road construction, accidents, sidetracks, and unexpected delays put the brakes on my progress towards my goals, or so I think.

Life interruptus gets in the way of my dreams and aspirations. And often the reinforced barriers erected to keep me safe make me feel trapped. But the pauses of life drive me to engage in pressing heart matters. The stillness of immobility reminds me that God is at work on my behalf. Even though I make my plans, God directs my path.

Lord, I'm so grateful that even when I'm impatient and driven, you are at work in my life patiently guiding, protecting and perfecting my faith.

"I will meditate on Your precepts and regard Your ways. I shall delight in Your statutes; I shall not forget Your word. We have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who examines our hearts. Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth. Psalm 119:15-16; 1 Thessalonians 2:3-5; 2 Timothy 2:15 (NASB)

Why Do I Study the Bible?

Before my sons were born, my father died suddenly. My first look at him lying in the casket prompted this thought. That is not my dad. My dad is with Jesus.

I felt happy for Dad, then panicked. His brain is gone and so is everything he learned about the Bible!

A soft voice whispered to my heart, "That knowledge has not vanished. It's in your Bible and you can know it for yourself."

While married, I joined a Precept Bible study. The inductive study method provided the tools I needed to know how to explore God's Word for myself. Like Daddy, I now found my greatest passion was to search the pages of the Bible discovering exciting spiritual truths.

I love to study God's Word. It provides wisdom, guidance and inspiration. The more I study, the less I know and the more I want to know God.

People say that the Bible has little application our daily lives, pointing to ritual uncleanness, animal sacrifices, stoning adulterers, not eating shrimp, and Baal and Molech idol worship.

I've seen some use the Bible to debate and prove their pet theologies. I've been disappointed by some who teach God's Word, but don't observe his commandments.

Others use science to disprove the Bible. The Bible is more than an "ology"—the organized study of science.

It is life.

I study Scripture because I want to know what I believe and why. And it's enjoyable.

When betrayed by others, I was desperate for comfort and encouragement. I turned to God's Word.

Scripture answers many questions that I pose to God:

• God, who do you say you are?
  
• God, who do you say I am?
  
• God, what do you say you will do?
  
• God, what do you say I am to do?
  

I was mentored by a famous author who told me, "I read through the Bible every year." More obvious to me was how the Bible went through her. When I asked her advice, it was the opposite of what I'd normally do. When I did what she said, it worked.

I want to know how the reality and truth of the Bible works in my life. When asked then I can share timeless truths to encourage and comfort others.

"I love the LORD, because He hears my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live. The cords of death encompassed me and the terrors of Sheol came upon me; I found distress and sorrow. Then I called upon the name of the LORD: "O LORD, I beseech You, save my life!" Gracious is the LORD and righteous; yes, our God is compassionate. I was brought low, and He saved me." Psalm 116:1-6 (NASB)

The Heart(broken) Beat of Scripture

My husband's unfaithfulness propelled me into single parenthood with a three-year-old son and a nine-month-old son. Terrified and alone, I felt as if I belonged nowhere and to no one.

Abandonment enrolled me in an advanced crash course in life with God. Tsk Tskers brushed off my pain. "Tsk, tsk, God works for good, blah blah blah," disqualifying my feelings, which were normal.

Unable to find understanding, I turned to the heart(broken)beat of scripture. The Psalms expressed everything I felt: rejection, anger, despair, depression, sorrow.

Psalms also comforted me with everything I needed to hear. I am not alone. I belong to God who is my refuge, my fortress, my shield, my defender, my rescuer, my deliverer, and my redeemer.

God, thank you for letting me vent. You heard my cries, offering your strength during the worst days of my life. I rejoice in your compassion and salvation.

Living Hard on the Outside—Soft on the Inside

"Jesus bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. 'Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; Save me and I will be saved, for You are my praise.'" — 1 Peter 2:24; Psalm 147:3; James 5:16; Jeremiah 17:14 (NASB)

Living Hard on the Outside—

Remaining Soft on the Inside

Did you know that the pearl is the only "jewel" not formed from a lifeless rock? Created inside a living organism, a precious, beautiful pearl forms when the oyster's tears repeatedly coat an irritant infiltrating the mollusk's inner core. How ironic that the name "mollusk" comes from a Latin word meaning "soft."

The hard knocks of life turned out to be far more painful and tougher than I expected. Even so, I don't want evil or sin or loneliness or the hassles of life to harden my heart. So how can God form pearls from the hurts embedded in the tender regions of my heart?

In Matthew 13:44–46, Jesus' parable uses the imagery of a pearl, formed within a non-kosher environment, to refer to a treasure hunter. This buyer and seller of valuable pearls gets rid of his entire inventory to obtain one costly über pearl.

How often do I treasure my string of hurts, clinging to them? When the fragile rope binding together life's bitter disappointments breaks, I turn to God to air my frustrations, hurts, stresses, worries, and confess bad attitudes and my hurtful actions. The miracle of his healing balm fills the gaps in my heart left by cavernous wounds.

Just as the oyster's legacy is a pearl, I want the pearls strung on my spiritual necklace to reflect the luster and beauty of the treasure hidden in my heart—God's Word.

Thank you, Elohim, for creating me and pouring out your mercy, grace and healing on my life. How could I live without the precious treasure of your Word? Jehovah-Rapha, my healer, restores the broken places of my heart.

"Show no partiality to princes, nor regard the rich above the poor, for they all are the work of His hands. The LORD raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap, to make them sit with princes."—Job 34:19; Psalm 113:7–8 (NASB)

Is My Heart Hard?

Sometimes I worry, "Is my heart hard?"

Callous layers shield my heart from some religious leaders who claim to know and speak for God.

I took some disabled music lovers to a concert at church. We've been made to feel unwelcome by one leader who fears the unusual physical features of my buddy's disability make the better-looking members uncomfortable. Another worries that my friend's quiet Wookiee noises might break the concentration of the able bodied.

One developmentally-disabled friend does not understand that when he hears praise and worship music that he's supposed to remain quiet. Shhhhhh! Don't disturb those with far more sophistication. His rapt attention, smile, flapping arms, and joyful hoots encourage my heart to leap with joy.

Oh, to worship God with such unbridled freedom.

This particular concert drew attention to a missions project delivering refurbished wheelchairs to the disabled living in other countries where wheelchairs are not affordable. Before the concert began, Joni Earackson Tada spoke via video. She quoted Psalms 117:3: "The LORD raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap, to make them sit with princes."

Her words pierced my heart. I cried, relieving my worries that I am hardhearted.

Who Deserves Honor?

How does the Hebrew language in Psalms 113:7 describe the "poor"?

Feeble.

Low.

Powerless.

Weak.

Needy.

Society's discrimination of value stands in stark contrast to those God welcomes into his sanctuary and uplifts.

Who deserves honor? Those who honor others—including the feeble, the low, the powerless, the weak, and the needy. Why do some act as if the "poor" are not priceless members of God's family?

Contaminated by the pride of his social stature, superior religious knowledge and great abilities, a religious person noticed an ugly person walking towards him. Feeling uncomfortable, he turned his back.

Undeterred, Mr. Socially Ugly smiled and warmly greeted him.

The religionist's body language communicated, "Wow! Is he ever ugly. I'm so glad I don't look like that. I wonder if his family members are as ugly as he is?"

To his surprise, Mr. Socially Ugly said, "I don't know, but I suggest you go to my Maker and tell him: 'How ugly is this vessel you have made!' "

The Hebrew language describes a "prince" as one who is inclined or willing, noble in rank, generous in mind and character, and a member of one's people.

I pray that God roots out the ugliness of my heart towards others who make my insides squirm. I want to be generous and willing to love God's creative handiwork.

God, I desire to remain tender to individuals who move your tender compassion. Please help me embrace the "unloveable" and "forgotten" who culture tosses onto the ash heap.